prgrmr: (lionize)
[personal profile] prgrmr
It's a habit, a vice, an artform, a crutch, a burden, a barrier, an indulgence, a treat, a sin, an obligation, and as much of who I am as the nose on my face.   And much like my nose, at times I am oblvious to it, and at other times very self-conscious of it.  But at no time do I feel the need to "fix" it.  Perhaps indulge in it less, let it have less of a subconscious say in my life, but it is part and parcel of who I am.  I like to think--and hope it is true--that I have made it work for me.  That it makes me less impulsive, less impetuous, less rash despite being a very emotionally-driven person.   I do know that I am no where near objective enough to judge if that is true.

I have been procrastinating writing about something since June, since my first trip back to Ohio to see my Dad.  And I don't know when I will be ready to let it go and write it.  In June it was too fresh and not fully-formed.  In July I was biased by too many things, including taking my son Mike out to Ohio and watching him go through a much-reduced version of what I went through when he saw my Dad.  And now that it has had time to simmer, to allow for reflection and introspection and the emotional heat had lowered....  I don't know.  I am going back out there this weekend.  I am hoping that this trip will be the final bought of input and inspiration and experience that I need to let it all out.
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