![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Jan. 6th, 2007
Limits are one of those weird aspects of life that can't be defined precisely until they are exceeded. Most people are more than content not to require a precise definition of their various personal limits.
I am clealy not like most people.
I've learned a lot in the four and a half years since I walked out on my family. I've learned that I need my own space, but I hate being alone. I've learned that I have a propensity to connect in very deep and meaningful ways with women who, for one reason or other, can't or don't want to engage in a more personally intimate relationship. I've learned that I have to have a certain amount of activity going on in my life, to a level precariously bordering on stress, to keep from going bored out of my mind. I've learned that when I'm bored out of my mind, I spend money I shouldn't on things I don't need for reasons that are horribly short-term.
I'm forty-one years old. I'm running out of short term. Yet, I have a five year old who practically worships the ground I walk on (not unlike other five year olds who have a part-time dad and painful lack of male role models in their lives), who will be looking for me to be there for her for many more years to come. So I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of the short-term that I do have. Of course, I've not managed to do that in forty-one years, so what hope have I?
At the very least, I like to think I've narrowed the list of possiblities.
And yes, I have been drinking, thank you very much.
I am clealy not like most people.
I've learned a lot in the four and a half years since I walked out on my family. I've learned that I need my own space, but I hate being alone. I've learned that I have a propensity to connect in very deep and meaningful ways with women who, for one reason or other, can't or don't want to engage in a more personally intimate relationship. I've learned that I have to have a certain amount of activity going on in my life, to a level precariously bordering on stress, to keep from going bored out of my mind. I've learned that when I'm bored out of my mind, I spend money I shouldn't on things I don't need for reasons that are horribly short-term.
I'm forty-one years old. I'm running out of short term. Yet, I have a five year old who practically worships the ground I walk on (not unlike other five year olds who have a part-time dad and painful lack of male role models in their lives), who will be looking for me to be there for her for many more years to come. So I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of the short-term that I do have. Of course, I've not managed to do that in forty-one years, so what hope have I?
At the very least, I like to think I've narrowed the list of possiblities.
And yes, I have been drinking, thank you very much.
