and just like that, my world gets a little smaller

Yesterday, my grandfather passed away. This has been a long time in coming, he's been slowly wasting away for the last year, and deteriorating mentally for several, which also means there's about as much relief as there is sadness.

The funeral is Wednesday, but I won't be able to go. The flights, and the cost, simply aren't there. I'm faced with the probability that if I'm away for more than a day or two, there's a high probability I'll get replaced on the contract I'm on. I cannot afford that outcome. There is a small chance that on Monday's status meeting one of the groups involved will (again) introduce delay that would be fortuitously timely for me, but even then I'm still going to have to consider the literal costs. Plus Sam may want to go, which would mean two or three days out of school for her; I'd have to discuss that with her mom and I've no idea what she'd say about it.

I'm mostly ok with not going. I feel like I said everything to him that I needed to. When I saw him last Thanksgiving, he didn't recognize me, and he didn't look good. I prefer to remember him the way he was when I was a kid and we'd go on vacation to Florida to visit my grandparents. He taught me a lot: the value of hard work, the happiness to be found in enjoying your extended family, the pride to be had in a job well done, the respect to be earned in doing a job well.

I hope I can leave behind even half as good a legacy as he has.